Act 1
Starring:
Lacey Chabert as Skye Talisker, Thora Birch as Tracey Hausser, Elijah Wood as Jeff Lindquist, Steffani Brass as Shannon, Alicia Silverstone as Heli, Asia Argento as Marie and Helen Shaver as Becca Giles
Guest Starring:
Brittany Murphy as Luna
Fade In:
Int.
Watchers Council – Kitchen –Morning
People were bustling around the kitchen as Andrew filled the thermos air pot from the fresh decanter of coffee and handed it to Tracey.
“Can you bring this out to the girls?” he asked.
“Sure, sweetheart,” Tracey said. Andrew blushed as she left.
“Oh Andrew!” Shannon cried in a falsetto from where she was working her way through a sack full of Idaho’s best. “Can I have some of that hot manly lovin’ tonight?”
Andrew glared at the junior slayer and thrust a platter of sweet rolls into her hands. “Go make yourself useful before I decide you’ll be Shannon the Potato Peeler for life, instead of Shannon the Vampire Slayer.”
Shannon left the kitchen, still giggling, and Andrew placed his hands on the center island with a big sigh.
“Good morning, Andrew,” Rowena said, coming into the kitchen carrying the morning edition of the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
“A fresh batch of coffee will be ready in a moment,” he told her.
“Thanks,” Rowena said and parked herself on a stool at the island, absently reaching for a bagel. Andrew put the cream cheese and jam within her reach as the Watcher opened the paper.
Andrew busied himself with fixing Rowena’s coffee. Just as he handed her the mug, Xander and Vi came into the kitchen, both obviously in good spirits. Rowena nodded at the couple over her newspaper.
“Morning, Watcher Council type people!” Xander said exuberantly. “Isn’t it a glorious day?”
Rowena cocked an eye through the window at the frost-rimed lawn withering under the dull gray sky.
“If you say so,” she said, and rustled her paper as she returned to the article.
“Can I get you guys breakfast?” Andrew asked.
“No thanks, Andy,” Vi said. “Xander brought me breakfast in bed this morning.”
“If you call burned toast and watery canned OJ breakfast, then it’s no wonder I love you.” Xander smiled and gave her a peck on the lips. Rowena looked over the paper and rolled her eyes.
“Just coffee, Andrew, please,” Vi said.
“Coming up,” the housekeeper said, and he laid out two mugs on the countertop.
“Have you decided on a costume yet, Ro?” Xander asked.
“Costume?” Rowena said with furrowed brows.
“For the party tonight,” Andrew explained.
At that moment, Kennedy strode into the kitchen and headed for the coffee pot. “And you can just count me out of whatever you’re planning this year, nerd boy.”
Andrew frowned. “I’m sorry to inform you that, despite your somewhat understandable paranoia, there are no nefarious plans for the party. Just lots of fun, candy and yes, maybe even some dancing.”
“Yeah, right,” Kennedy snorted. “You know what they say…fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice, shame on me.”
“No fooling,” Xander insisted. “Look, I heard about last year, and I agree it was a bit much.”
“Why don’t you invite Kadin, Ken?” Vi suggested. “You don’t have to worry about a costume, just come as you are…hot chicks with superpowers.”
Kennedy rolled her eyes. “Kadin’s been keeping a low profile since her trial and, although hot, she has no superpowers.”
“Still, you should come,” Xander said.
“Yeah, you too, Ro,” Vi said.
“Oh, I’m way too busy to find time,” Rowena said, looking into her coffee mug.
“You sure?” Xander asked, his mood growing more serious. “It might give you and Willow a chance to talk more. You know, low stakes socializing. Hopefully no stakings at all, in fact.”
Rowena bit her lip. “I’m not sure, but thanks Xander,” she said. With that she folded her paper and headed out of the kitchen.
Kennedy watched her go in silence as she sipped her coffee.
Vi smiled happily. “My costume is so cool. I can’t wait. We’re gonna have a blast.”
“Ah ha! So that’s it!” Kennedy said, pointing a finger. “Plan on setting off a bomb in the lobby?”
“No tricks!” Xander insisted, throwing up his arms. “Just treats, I promise!”
“Yeah, right,” Kennedy said as she rinsed out her mug in the sink. “I’ll be watching you guys, I promise you that. There will be no shenanigans on my watch.” As she left, she passed by Tracey, returning to the kitchen with a large tray of dirty dishes.
“I’ll get started on these, Andy,” she said, opening the dishwasher.
“Thanks, Tracey,” Andrew said. He turned to the happy couple. “What’re you guys wearing?”
“I’m working on it,” Xander said evasively.
“It’s a surprise,” Vi said. “You?”
“Not telling, but I assure you I’ll be most proper and Britishly debonair.”
“Speaking of Brits, did you invite Giles and the Missus?” Xander asked.
Andrew got an uncomfortable look on his face, “Uh…no, I kinda forgot. I’ll drop by the shop on the way to the market.”
“Okay,” Xander said. “Time to get to work, sweetheart,” he said to Vi.
“Yeah, me too,” she agreed, and the couple left hand in hand.
Tracey continued to work on the dishes, while Andrew cleaned up the mess Shannon had left behind.
“Andy?” Tracey finally asked, breaking the silence.
“Yeah?” he said as he dumped potato peelings in the trash.
“About tonight…”
Andrew wiped his hands on a dishtowel and joined her at the sink. “What’s up? You don’t have to study or anything…you are coming, right?”
“Oh, yeah!” she answered eagerly, grabbing the towel from him. “But I was wondering, maybe tonight we can do something special, you know…after the party.”
Andrew scrunched up his face in confusion, but then his expression cleared.
“Oh! You mean you want to stay over? Cool! I finally got Shining Force Neo for the Playstation, but haven’t tried it yet. I traded it on eBay for Battlefield 2: Modern Combat, and while it’s an excellent fighting simulator, after my real war experiences in Iraq I’m afraid I just don’t have the heart for it. So, you’ll stay?”
Tracey shook her head in exasperation and chuckled. “You really are the most aggravating man, do you know that?”
Andrew’s eyes widened and his mouth opened when Tracey stepped closer, her eyes filling with heat as she pressed her body against his. “Um…um…y-you think I’m a man?”
She smirked as she glanced briefly down. “I’d say that’s a big affirmative.”
“Oh…” Andrew said. His voice dropped to as husky a whisper as he could manage as he watched her lips moving closer to his. “Okay.”
Just as their lips were about to touch, Willow’s angry voice shouted out of the intercom, causing Andrew to jump back about a foot from Tracey.
“Andrew! Get to the computer room…now!”
Andrew glanced at the device on the wall and then back at Tracey. “Gotta go,” he said, and ran out of the room.
“Right,” Tracey said. Clearly disappointed, she returned to the dishes.
Cut To:
Int.
Watchers Council – Computer Room – Moments Later
Willow stood glaring at the large flat screen monitor, her arms rigidly posed on her hips, when Andrew ran into the room.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, out of breath.
“What…” she growled, pointing to the screen, “…is this?”
Andrew looked at the screen. “Oh!” he said with a smile. “It’s W.I.L.L.O.W.”
“What?” Willow asked. “I mean, who?”
“Not a who, a what,” Andrew said. “W.I.L.L.O.W.’s a what, just like you…Willow…are a who. Or, rather, is a who.”
The look Willow gave him would have melted steel. “Enough of the ‘Who’s on first’ routine,” she said. “What did you do to the computer system?”
“I installed my new GUI system,” he explained. “W.I.L.L.O.W. stands for ‘Welcome to the Interactive Learning Lab of Watchers.’ I based it on your original watcher tutorial program and made it a bit more user-friendly.”
“Uh huh,” Willow said slowly, nodding her head. “I’m always happy to see you take the initiative, Andrew, but there’s just one problem. It doesn’t work!”
“Of course it does,” Andrew said. He pulled out a chair for her. “Just give it a try.”
Willow gave him a final glare and reluctantly sat down at the computer and pressed a key.
“Welcome to W.I.L.L.O.W.” An electronic voice, eerily similar to Willow’s own, came from the speakers, and a small red-headed cartoon icon appeared on the screen. “How can we help you?”
“See!” Andrew said proudly. “Very friendly.”
Willow typed a command at the prompt and waited a moment as the mouse icon turned into an hourglass. “Seems a bit on the slow side,” she commented.
“Give it a moment,” Andrew said, and held his breath as the computer worked. Finally, the hourglass disappeared and Willow gasped as the icon’s red hair turned black and the eyes glowed red.
“Buzzkill,” the speakers growled.
Willow jumped up from the chair and pointed again at the screen. “That is not funny, Andrew!”
Andrew frowned and took Willow’s vacated seat. “That’s just the error message,” he explained. “You must have typed in the wrong syntax.”
Andrew typed furiously and then hit the enter key.
“You guys want to take it slow?” W.I.L.L.O.W. said, with an evil cartoon smirk.
Andrew continued to type commands, while Willow tried the other computers.
“All of the systems are frozen, Andrew,” she said.
“That’s one effective counter-spell,” the speakers announced. “Cute, but not good enough.”
“Andrew…” Willow said, but he continued to ignore her, continuing to type as fast as he could. “Andrew!”
Finally the icon on the screen announced, “Abracadabra,” and, with a crackling lightning flash, the screen went dark.
Andrew sighed. “Well, I think I’ve got a few bugs to work out.”
“A few bugs?” Willow said. “The entire system is trashed.”
“I’ll need to restore the old system,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
Willow sat at the computer. “I’ll do it, what’s your passcode?”
“Um, well…see that’s the problem,” Andrew stammered. “I have to do it. The system is keyed to my voice signature.”
“Then get to work,” she said.
“I’ve got to run to Giles and Becca’s and then to the market,” he said. “And then I have to get ready for tonight and Tracey…uh, I mean my date with Tracey. I’ll get to it first thing in the morning.”
Willow crossed her arms over her chest angrily, but after a moment her expression softened. “All right, but just know that I’m not happy about this, Andrew.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, seemingly contrite.
“Just…get it fixed, okay?” she said. “I’ll be in the library if you need me.”
Cut To:
Int.
Black Cadillac – Same Time
A black-gloved hand impatiently tapped the steering wheel. A sharp chittering sound filled the car as the figure turned toward the window.
Cut To:
Int.
Java Joe’s Coffee Shop – Same Time
Dawn sipped her latte as Skye chatted on.
“So Dr. Carlson told me that I’m very lucky to have secured an internship with Dr. Millenti. She said it was a miracle he suddenly decided to move his practice here from New York. Of course, I didn’t tell her about the Council.”
“No, of course not,” Dawn responded half-heartedly.
“And she said that my work with Dana will be a big help when I apply to grad school,” Skye continued.
“Columbus, right?” Dawn asked dejectedly.
“It’s not that far, Dawn,” Skye said. “And it’s still not for a while. OSU has the best school in the Midwest.”
“You’ll still be gone most of the time,” Dawn said.
“I know,” Skye said, reaching across the table and taking Dawn’s hand. “It’ll work out, I promise. I’ll come home on weekends or you can come down to the campus. Besides after I finish I plan on coming back to the council anyway…Okay?”
“Okay,” Dawn said.
“You sure?” Skye asked.
“Yeah…it’s just that right now you’re so busy with your studies, it’ll be so much worse later on,” Dawn said, her eyes glistening. “And you’ve been spending so much time with that psycho slayer.”
“Maybe,” Skye admitted. “It’s just that she’s so…damaged. But I really think that, someday, we’ll be able to help her.”
Dawn smiled fondly. “That’s what I love about you. You have so much humanity for others, it’s amazing.”
“Not as much as I have love for you. Like I’ve said before, we never know what the future will bring, but I do know that, whatever it does, we’ll be together,” Skye said, then sighed looking at her watch. “I’ve gotta go, baby. Dr. Millenti wants me to sit in on this morning’s session with Dana. We’ll have plenty of fun tonight at the party.”
“Okay,” Dawn said. “I’ve got class with Robin in about an hour…Advanced Slayer Relations. I asked if I could test out, since I lived with one my whole life, but he said no. If you ask me, it sounds creepy, but Robin’s a great teacher.”
“I know he is,” Skye said, gathering her things. She stood up and leaned over the table to peck Dawn on the lips. “Later, sweetie.”
“Bye,” Dawn said, drinking again from her coffee cup. She watched Skye walk away and a small smile came to her lips.
Fade To:
Int.
Summers Home – Late Afternoon
San Francisco, 2003
The front door crashed open, letting in a gust of wind and rain. Two laughing teens burst through. Dawn slammed the door behind them and tossed off her raincoat, leaving it to lie on the floor. She looked at Skye.
“Hi,” Dawn said. She licked the rain from her lips as she watched Skye strip off her own dripping coat.
Skye looked up and, keeping her eyes fixed on Dawn’s, let her coat drop to the floor, as well. “Hey,” she said, moving closer to Dawn.
Skye pressed Dawn up against the door, and the couple kissed passionately. After about a minute, Dawn said, “Come on.”
“Where?” Skye breathed out in a whisper.
“My room,” Dawn said. She took her girlfriend’s hand and led her away from the door.
Skye paused at the bottom of the stairs. She looked into Dawn’s eyes, her neck craned back. “Are you sure?”
“Oh yeah,” Dawn said. She pulled Skye’s face up with both hands. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life. I want you and I want this.”
“Oh God,” Skye whispered, her lips moving gently to Dawn’s. “I want you too, Dawn.”
“Let’s go,” Dawn managed between gasps, and the two scampered up the stairs.
Cut To:
Int.
Dawn’s Room – Much Later
The two women lay cuddled under the blanket, the large bay window showing the first hint of the approaching dusk. A rumpled head of hair peeked out and brown eyes squinted at the clock.
“What time is it?” Dawn mumbled, snuggling closer.
“Almost seven,” Skye said. She pulled Dawn closer, gently rubbing her girlfriend’s hair.
“Mmmm, that’s nice,” Dawn said, a wide grin on her face. “It’s past dinner time. I’m starved.”
“Me too,” Skye said. “But not for food.”
Dawn’s grin matched Skye’s. “You’re insatiable.”
“Yep, especially for you,” Skye said, and she rolled Dawn on top of her.
The two women were interrupted by the bedroom door opening.
“Hey Dawn, what’d you do, turn the phone off?” Buffy said as she entered the room. “I tried calling…you…” The slayer’s words trailed off as she stared at the scene on the bed.
“Damn it,” Dawn groaned, looking down at Skye.
“Oh God,” Skye whispered.
“Dawn!” Buffy said, moving closer to the bed. “I thought I told you no boys upstairs! Ever!”
Dawn rolled her eyes at Skye, then quickly rolled off the bed, grabbing her shirt.
“Wait a minute,” Buffy said. She pointed at Skye. “You’re not a boy.”
“How observant,” Dawn said, slipping her shirt over her head.
“What’s going on?” Buffy asked again, finally looking at her sister. “She’s…she’s…a she!”
“You seem to be stuck on that fact, aren’t you?” Dawn said with a sneer.
“Look, I’m…” Skye began.
Buffy held up a hand. “Dawn, outside. Now,” she ordered, turning on her heel and marching out of the room.
Dawn shook her head and started to follow.
“Dawn…” Skye began, reaching out a hand.
“It’s okay,” Dawn said. “I’ll handle it.” She paused at the door and looked back. “I love you.”
“Love you, too,” Skye said, and she smiled.
Cut To:
Int.
Summers Home – Hallway – Same Time
Dawn had begun to close the bedroom door when Buffy whirled around, her green eyes flashing angrily.
“What the hell is going on, Dawn?” she demanded.
“Sex, and I think it’s pretty obvious,” Dawn replied, crossing her arms over her chest.
“You’re too young for…that…and…that’s Skye,” Buffy said. “Your friend from school. Your girl friend, not your girlfriend.”
“Since when do you have a problem with lesbians?” Dawn asked.
“Now you’re a lesbian?” Buffy asked.
“I didn’t say that,” Dawn answered. “All I know is that I love Skye and if that makes me a lesbian, fine – stick a nice fat label on me, if that’s what helps you deal.”
Buffy held up her hands to stop the direction of the conversation. “Just when exactly did this happen? I mean sure, maybe I didn’t see it coming with Will, but…”
“Great point. Let’s talk about Willow. Your best friend is gay, and she wasn’t that much older than I am when she met Tara. So, what’s the big deal if I’m with Skye? I mean, hell, Willow was younger than me when she slept with Oz.”
“That’s different,” Buffy said defensively.
“How so?”
“Willow…Willow was more mature, for one.”
“Yeah, it was real mature when she decided to destroy the world,” Dawn said angrily. “You know, for a slayer with superhuman eyesight, you are blind, Buffy.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means you never noticed how much Skye and I have been hanging out together and going out on the weekends?”
“I used to see Will and Xander every weekend, but I never went to bed with either of them!”
“You never noticed how we hold hands when watching television?” Dawn asked.
“Well…no!” Buffy said. “I just thought you had finally made a best friend here, and maybe she was sad or something. I didn’t think you were a…a…” Dawn looked at Buffy expectantly, waiting for her to finish. “Oh forget it,” she said, giving up.
“Oh, right!” Dawn’s voice was full of sarcasm. “I never saw you making googly eyes at Willow on video nights. The only woman I ever saw you do that with was Faith.”
“That is not true, and…don’t change the subject!” Buffy said sharply. “The point is that you’re still too young.”
“Look at Ms. Hypocrite!” Dawn snarled. “Did you forget they’ve got it recorded in the Council archives that you lost your virginity to a vampire at seventeen?”
Buffy brought her face within inches of Dawn’s. “And look what happened after that!” she yelled, nearly on the verge of tears. “Sex isn’t just for kicks, and it’s not for kids!”
“I’m not a kid anymore, Buffy. Open your eyes and see that!”
“That’s enough!” Buffy said. “Send Skye home. Now!”
“No,” Dawn answered. “She’s my girlfriend and if you can’t handle that –”
“Either you send her home,” Buffy cut her comments off, “or I send her home…Which is it gonna be?”
Cut To:
Int.
Dawn’s Bedroom – Moments Later
Skye was sitting on the edge of the bed, fully dressed, when Dawn returned to the bedroom. Dawn sighed and joined her girlfriend.
“That went sooo not well,” Dawn said. “God, I wish Tara was here. She’d get it.”
“You okay?” Skye asked. She pushed Dawn’s hair behind her ear affectionately.
“Oh yeah,” Dawn said. “Just another Summers sisters fight. Same ole, same ole.”
“Sounded pretty intense.”
“You heard?” Dawn asked.
“You kinda left the door open a bit,” Skye took Dawn’s hand. “But even in a soundproof booth, I think I woulda heard.”
“Oh…” Dawn looked down.
“Look, Dawn,” Skye said. “I’m sorry your sister’s upset, but I’m not sorry for what happened today. And I’ll never be sorry for loving you. Just remember, no matter what, we’ll be together. I’m not letting you go that easy.”
Dawn smiled at the sincerity in Skye’s eyes.
“Me either, no matter what my stupid sister does,” Dawn said, and then stood up. “I better get dressed.”
“Okay,” Skye said. “But call me if things get too intense after I leave. She sounded pretty mad and if she…gets violent…”
Dawn shook her head. “She won’t. She’ll just need some time to adjust.”
“Well,” Skye said, leaning over and kissing Dawn soundly on the lips. “Call me anyway, so I don’t worry. All right?”
Dawn took Skye by the hands. “I wish Buffy could see the way you treat me. Maybe then she’d get it.”
“Hey, let’s have dinner next week, the three of us,” Skye suggested in a positive tone. “I’ll bring dessert.”
“Chocolate cake does not make all things better in the world,” Dawn told her.
“No,” Skye agreed. “But it sure as hell doesn’t hurt.”
Dawn giggled and pulled Skye into a hug.
Fade To:
Int.
Becca’s Books – Afternoon
Present Day
Andrew closed the door behind him and breathed in the warm atmosphere of the cozy bookshop.
“Hello?” he called out in a sing-song voice. “Mr. Giles? Becca? Baby Buffy?”
“It’s Elizabeth,” Giles said from where he was shelving books. “Please don’t call her that.”
Becca was sitting behind the counter, nursing the baby. “It’s okay, Andrew. I’m sure she doesn’t mind what you call her at this point.”
Becca readjusted her blouse as Andrew bounced over to the counter and cooed at the baby.
“Ohh, I swear she gets cuter and cuter every day,” he said, tickling her under the chin. This caused Elizabeth to giggle while a bubble of milk escaped her puckered mouth.
“I know,” Becca agreed. “If she’s this beautiful at only five months, how much more will she be at one year?”
“Amazing,” Andrew gushed. “Hi, Little Buffy! Look, your Uncle Andy’s here and he loves you.”
“And what can we do for Uncle Andy today?” Giles dryly asked as he joined them at the counter.
“I just dropped by to ask you to the Secret Agent theme party tonight,” he explained. “I’m sorry it’s so late, but things have been a little crazy lately.”
“And how is Tracey?” Becca smiled.
“Um, okay.” Andrew cleared his throat. “Anyway, you’ll come?”
“Of course we will!” Giles said exuberantly. “It will be held at the Council, won’t it?”
“Yeah,” Andrew said, confused.
Becca laughed again. “A little eager to get over there, aren’t we?” she teased. “Can’t wait to check on the kids, to see how well they’re playing together.”
“That’s not it at all,” he protested. “I simply look forward to spending some quality time with our friends and family.”
“Uh huh,” Becca nodded. “A costume ball at the Council on Halloween. Nothing exciting about that.”
Andrew looked between the two of them, as if he were watching a tennis match. “Um, so you’ll be there?”
Becca turned to him. “Yes Andrew, we’ll come.”
“Great!” Andrew said. “See you guys later!”
Cut To:
Int.
Watchers Council – Library – Same time
Rowena walked through the library doors, but suddenly stopped short when she noticed Willow sitting at the table.
“Oh, hi,” Rowena said awkwardly.
Willow looked up. “Hey,” she replied.
“Doing a little research?”
“Yeah,” Willow said, looking down at the large pile of books scattered around her. “Have to do it the old fashioned way, since Andrew’s got the entire computer system tied up with that dumb program of his.”
“Oh, I wondered why the computer felt I needed to have every square inch of my ass kicked. I thought it was maybe something residual from the last few weeks.”
Willow gave a slight grin. A few moments passed in uncomfortable silence.
“So…” Willow began.
“So…” Rowena said at the same time.
“Oh, go ahead,” Willow said, a little too eagerly.
“Um, are you going to the party tonight?”
“Well, I’ve got lots of work to do…” Willow glanced absently at the pile, looking away from Rowena’s disappointed face. “But, I could…maybe…you know, come by after it’s started, just t-to, you know, check things out.”
“Yeah, yeah, maybe I’ll do the same thing,” Rowena said.
“Oh, okay,” Willow nodded.
“Yeah, okay,” Rowena said. “So, I’ll just…” she pointed over her shoulder.
“Yeah, you should just…” Willow agreed.
“Okay, see you later, then,” Rowena backed toward the doors. “Maybe.”
“Right, maybe.”
When the head watcher had finally left, Willow put her head down on the table and groaned.
Cut To:
Int.
Watchers Council – Vi’s Quarters – Evening
“Come in!” Vi called from inside the bathroom. Xander walked in and looked around.
“I’m in here, Xan,” Vi called. “I’ll be just a minute. Why didn’t you just come in? You have a key, you know.”
“I know,” he called, awkwardly juggling the bouquet of flowers he was holding. He was dressed in tan cargo pants and a faux leather tan jacket. Down the arms and legs of both the pants and jacket was a strip of black duct tape, while a strip of silver duct tape was around the collar.
“Are you ready, sweetie?” Vi asked as she came out of the bathroom, stopping short when she caught sight of him. “Xander?” she asked.
Xander looked at her, his mouth hanging open. Vi was dressed in a dark blue woman’s business suit, with a white cap on her head. Horn-rimmed glasses and patent leather shoes completed her outfit.
“Who are you supposed to be?” Xander asked.
“Moneypenny,” she said, her tone indicating that he was an idiot for asking. “Who’re you?”
“Roger Moore from Moonraker,” he said.
Vi looked at him doubtfully. “I think you missed the mark somewhere.”
“I’m fine, you just haven’t seen Moonraker in a while,” Xander said. “But…but…Moneypenny?”
“What’s wrong with Miss Moneypenny?” she said, putting her hands on her hips. “She was always the one Bond girl I could relate to. Smart, sexy and the only one able to resist Bond’s charms.”
“Yeah, but when we said we’d do 007 films this year, I was expecting Halle Berry in a bikini.”
“Sorry, sweetheart, that’s not me,” she said, taking the flowers from him and moving into his arms. “I think you might get your wish, though. Tracey told me that she and Andrew are doing Bond, too.”
“Oh god, what an image!” Xander cried, putting his hand over his eyes. “Andrew in a leather bikini…argh!”
“You goof!” she said, slapping him on the arm. “Come on, let’s go.”
Cut To:
Int.
Watchers Council – Rec Room – Minutes Later
Andrew stood by the door, welcoming guests. He was dressed in the same tuxedo he had bought for Giles and Becca’s wedding. In one hand he held a martini glass and in the other a Walther PPK automatic.
“Don’t you know those things are bad news,” Xander nodded to the pistol, as he and Vi walked through the door.
“It’s a prop,” Andrew defended. “Used by Pierce Brosnan himself in Tomorrow Never Dies for the cocktail party scene, hence the tux. Hey, look at you, all Mr. Moonraker.”
“See,” Xander whispered to Vi, who rolled her eyes.
“And Miss Moneypenny,” Andrew said, stepping forward and taking Vi’s hand to kiss. He continued to hold her hand as he reached into his tux and handed her a large cigar tube. “I thought you might want one of these.”
She smirked at Xander. “Sorry, I’ve already got the only one I want.”
Xander smiled proudly, and together they made their way over to the punchbowl.
More slayers and watchers in costume entered the room, all greeting Andrew warmly. A small, skittish man was trying to ease past a laughing group of girls when Andrew stopped him.
“Hi,” the James Bond look-a-like said, pulling on the man’s shirt. “Are you that guy from X-Files?”
“X-Files?” the man asked.
“Yeah, you know,” Andrew said. “One of the Lone Gunmen?”
“Oh! Oh, no,” he said. “I’m, uh…I’m Skye’s cousin. Yeah, her cousin.”
“Oh, okay,” Andrew shrugged. “Well, have fun.”
The man moved off and disappeared behind a pillar, peering furtively around the column. Rowena sat nearby, nursing a drink and glaring around the room.
Faith and Robin next appeared at the door, both of them dressed in archaic Caribbean wear. Robin wore a billowy silk shirt and pantaloons and sported an eye patch. Faith had on a wide skirt and an extremely low-cut bodice. Andrew automatically glanced down to see the bottom of Robin’s prosthetic peeking out from his short pants.
“Xander actually had a good idea,” Robin said softly.
“Great!” Andrew said. “And let me guess,” he turned to Faith. “You’re his wench?”
“Wrong, dough boy,” Faith said. “I’m a kick-ass pirate-slayer.”
“Oh, okay,” he said, blinking. Robin moved towards Xander and Vi, but Faith hung back a moment.
“Look, Andy,” she began, “I need to say thank you.”
“You do?” he asked. “Why?”
“I mean, look at him,” she said, pointing her chin towards her man, “This is the first time I’ve seen him show a little bit of humor over what happened. So, thanks for giving him that opportunity and not sticking us with a secret agent get up.”
Andrew smiled warmly. “Anytime.”
After Faith moved off, a large and extremely tall man entered the room.
“Oddjob, right?” Andrew said delightedly. “Great, we’ve got a number of Bond aficionados here tonight.”
“I’m Skye’s uncle’s cousin,” the strange man said.
“Oh, okay,” Andrew said. “Have fun.”
Andrew took a sip from his glass and grimaced at the taste.
“Too much gin?” Giles asked, as he and Becca came through the door.
“It’s been stirred, not shaken,” Andrew replied. He looked at the baby, who was dressed as a shapeless white blob. “Uh, what did you do to Baby Buffy?”
“It’s Elizabeth,” Giles said, looking down at the baby sitting in her buggy and happily waving a rattle at the festive crowd. “And she’s the Rover, of course.”
“The Rover?” Andrew asked, and then his face cleared in understanding. “Ooooh! The Rover…arch nemesis of secret agent Number Six, aka The Prisoner, title of the late-1960s UK cult classic.”
Giles nodded happily. “Glad to know you’re up on your British pop culture.”
“Of course I am,” Andrew said proudly. “I’m so glad you both came. Thank you.”
“Thank you, Andrew,” Becca said. She kissed the young man on the cheek causing him to blush. With that, the happy family moved to join the party.
Andrew smiled as Dawn waved past him. She joined Jeff, who was pouring cups of punch for the thirsty Slayers.
“Where’s Skye?” he asked, handing her a cup.
“She’s meeting me here,” Dawn said, looking around the room. “I don’t think she’s here yet, her meeting with that crazy slayer must have run over…again.”
Jeff smiled apologetically. “You look good in drag,” he complimented. “Very butch.”
Dawn smiled. “Thanks.”
Kennedy walked in and Andrew looked at her outfit: she was wearing an olive drab tank top with camouflage cargo pants, pockets stuffed with stakes. A crossbow was slung over her back. “Are you going patrolling?” he asked.
“No,” she answered. “Just ready for whatever you’ve got planned for tonight.”
Andrew looked past the slayer, at a dark-cloaked figure with darkness where its face should be.
“I’m watching you, nerd boy,” she hissed, and walked off in a huff.
Andrew ignored her and asked the figure, “Can I help you?”
A deep voice rumbled, “I am Skye’s brother. She invited me here.”
Andrew frowned. “Skye doesn’t have a brother,” he said. “I know for a fact she’s an only child. And I don’t appreciate gate-crashers in phony-looking costumes.”
The figure waved his hand and said, “You will let me in.”
Andrew snorted. “Sorry, your fake Jedi mind-tricks won’t work on me. Now git!”
The figure paused for a moment, then turned and left. Andrew narrowed his eyes as he watched. “Stupid poser,” he said, then looked at his watch. “I wonder where Tracey is?”
Vi and Xander moved away from Rowena, whom they had been trying to engage in civil conversation, though the Head Watcher was obviously not in a mood for it.
“That just sucks,” Vi said as they walked away. “Willow should be here and she should be here with Ro. Yeah, okay, maybe Faith’s calling her ‘The Ice Queen’ has shown some merit lately, but…damn.”
“I agree,” Xander said. “But if I were a betting man, I’d take any odds that they get back together.”
“You really think they will?” Vi asked doubtfully. “With both of them heads of two out of the three branches of the Council, I just don’t see how it can work. I mean, it’d be like the President married to the Chief Justice.”
“Maybe that’s why he nominated that guy, then?” Xander wondered absently, and then shivered at the thought. Suddenly he stiffened and his mouth opened in shock.
“What?” Vi asked, turning to where he was looking. “Oh, yeah. See, I told you you’d like Tracey’s costume.”
Tracey was walking toward them, having come in by the rear door of the room. She was dressed in a fur bikini…and nothing else. As she walked she drew the stars of most of the male watchers and instructors, and also a few of the women, including Rowena, who watched with her eyebrows raised.
“Hi guys,” she said when she reached them.
“Hey, Trace.” Vi gave her friend a brief hug.
“Uh…” Xander said, trying…and failing…not to stare.
“Where’s Andy?” Tracey asked, ignoring Xander.
“By the door, meeting and greeting,” Vi replied.
“Uh…” Xander repeated.
Andrew finally turned away from speaking with another group of slayers and caught Tracey’s look. His mouth dropped, followed by his martini glass. After a moment, his face cleared and he walked toward them.
“Tracey,” he said, taking her hand and kissing it. “You look lovely, my dear.”
“What?” Vi asked. “No cigar?”
Andrew blushed furiously and ignored the slayer. “Of course, you look more like Raquel Welch than Ursula Andress, but you are, as always, stunning and put both of them to shame.”
“Thanks Andy,” she replied with a wry grin.
“Oh, more guests,” he said quickly, and moved back to the door. “Excuse me?”
Tracey sighed as Andrew darted away. “Not exactly the response I was hoping for.”
“Uh…” Xander once again mumbled.
Vi rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. “He’s just playing it cool, getting into the Bond mode,” she reassured her friend. “Just kick it up a notch.”
Tracey looked at her. “I’m standing here nearly naked and freezing, and you think I need to try harder?”
Vi patted Tracey on her bare shoulder.
Cut To:
Int.
Watchers Council – Storage Room – Same Time
“Where is he, Darrell?” Oddjob fumed, pacing anxiously around the room.
“I don’t know, Jean-Claude.” The Lone Gunman shrugged and continued to work on the laptop resting on a wooden crate.
At that moment the air in the room shimmered and the dark figure appeared.
“Where have you been?” Jean-Claude asked angrily.
The figure ignored him, instead turning to the hacker. “Is it ready?” the deep voice asked. “These glamour spells won’t last all night.”
“Just a moment,” Darrell said, and hit a few more keys. The screen cleared and a scowling blonde appeared on the screen.
“It’s about time you got that link thing, connection, whatever, established,” she said.
“My apologies, Mistress Luna,” the dark figure said. “We are in position.”
“About time!” Luna said. “Okay, here’s what I want you to do…are you ready?”
“Yes, Mistress,” all three mumbled.
“Grab the slut!” she said with a smirk. “You know, what’s her name.” The blonde looked around and then her grin widened in triumph. “Here it is!” She thrust a photograph at the webcam. Dawn’s smiling face appeared on the screen.
“Yes, Mistress,” the three mumbled again. “Whatever you want.”
“Of course, whatever I want!” she yelled once again, reappearing on the screen. The Gunman winced as she began to sing. “Whatever Luna wants, Luna gets, and little girl, little Luna wants you!”
She moved away and the camera caught her tearing up the photograph of Dawn.
Black Out
End of Act One